My latest is up in McSweeney’s: Congratulations! You Did 5 Minutes of Writing!
Another piece in McSweeney’s: Alas, Poor Yorick.
I’ve got a new piece up in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Conquer Your Day with the Power of Breakfast!
You’re hip. You’re cool. You’re using your phone everywhere our EverywhereNetwork*(1) allows. But, as you use our incredibly fast 5G network, you’ve probably thought “Won’t I get hit with ludicrously large overage fees while using my data plan?” Nope.*(2) Not with our new UnlimitedMobile Plan. The UnlimitedMobile Plan is suited for your needs: How much […]
Sleep tight, and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Well, that’s a very good question, honey. A bedbug is a tiny little bug. They used to be a big problem, in the old days, before they invented pesticides and other ways to kill them. Then they weren’t a problem anymore. Until now. But go to sleep, […]
Do you think it’s enough to just have a good idea? Well, it’s not! You have to act on that idea, and force yourself to sit down and finish your masterwork. If you need help (and we all need help sometimes!), then follow this handy list. Clear your workspace of all clutter. A clean workspace […]
My newest piece is up on McSweeney’s: Full Disclosure Regarding My Appearance on the Infomercial for the TurkeyScaler.
We have lost sight of the true meaning of Buy Things For Curtis Day. This is NOT a difficult holiday to figure out. Let’s keep our eyes on the ball, huh? It is, first off, not a day about love. I don’t know who started that rumor, but whoever did will be dealt with severely. […]
Chapter 4: The Office Chat And the supervisor spoke to JESUS, and said unto him, “How is the work progressing? Does it look like you’ll have the deliverable on time?” In response to this, JESUS said “It is similar to the story of the man and the fish. A man was a fisherman, but bemoaned […]
Read my newest piece in McSweeney’s, Building Code Violations for the Love Shack.