Monthly Archives: December 2010

I’m Worried That Buy Things For Curtis Day Is Becoming Not Consumerist Enough

We have lost sight of the true meaning of Buy Things For Curtis Day. This is NOT a difficult holiday to figure out. Let’s keep our eyes on the ball, huh? It is, first off, not a day about love. I don’t know who started that rumor, but whoever did will be dealt with severely. Buy Things For Curtis Day is not one of those holidays like “Halloween” or “Easter,” in which the name doesn’t tell you what the holiday is about. Buy Things For Curtis Day is about, as you would expect, buying things for Curtis (me). The name of the holiday also serves as the directions on how to celebrate the holiday. This really could not be more simple: BUY THINGS FOR CURTIS DAY.

Note that I say it’s about buying “things.” Things are tangible. Things can be purchased. I don’t need, as many of you have suggested, “some one-on-one time” or to “stop being so materialistic.” I need actual, real objects. I did my part for Buy Things For Curtis Day by purchasing some new shelves. Now you have to do your part by giving me expensive, tasteful objects to put on those shelves. (more…)

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What Would Jesus Do: Office Edition

Chapter 4: The Office Chat

And the supervisor spoke to JESUS, and said unto him, “How is the work progressing? Does it look like you’ll have the deliverable on time?”
In response to this, JESUS said “It is similar to the story of the man and the fish.
A man was a fisherman, but bemoaned his long days out upon the sea and he brought back a great bounty for his family every night; he wished he could instead spend the days with his wife and many sons, instead of plying the waters.
So he looked upon his neighbor, the farmer, and said ‘Lo, the farmer does not leave his land; he is able to see his family when he wishes, and does not risk his life upon the angry waves, and so therefore I should be like the farmer.’
And so it was the next day that the fisherman took his catch from the night previous and planted it into the ground, as he saw the farmer had done with his grains.”
And it came to pass that the supervisor nodded at the story while checking his Blackberry. (more…)

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Oh Boy, the Video

A video of me playing the Quantum Leap theme song: Oh Boy.

You can find an mp3 of the theme song here.

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Theme for Curtis

As with all great men (Lincoln, Kennedy, Hong Kong Phooey), I have a theme song. Don’t believe me?

Feast your ears on this: Theme for Curtis

Created by the incredibly talented Nathan Smith, aka @nathanisthebest.

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Ancient Greek Jokes

Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had intercourse.
(more…)

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The Cut-Away Guitar Instructor

Want to learn how to play the guitar, but tired of wasting money on expensive live-in tutors, hypnotic learning seminars, or neural implants? Well, now there’s an easier way: The Cut-Away Guitar Instructor.

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#fff xmas

It’s shopping time, people. Here’s a song to shop to. Hope you enjoy.

#fff christmas

PS: This is heavily influenced by John Fahey’s The New Possibility album, although due to my meager skills at guitar, I ended up figuring out my own way of playing this particular song.

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